My dearest Sister Manonash and Creator,

I was really very, very happy to hear the voice of you both [Sunday, 3rd June]. Your phone call came when I was thinking that I missed my Team. Therefore, you can imagine how I must have felt after that.

Then what happened? I got a very severe rigor [shivering episode], and my whole body was shaking. The doctor had just come and examined me, and he told me, that I should start taking liquids by mouth from today. "Just sip liquid coconut water. Don't take any juice," he said. "I will come and decide about the juices afterwards."

Before this, the cardiologist had come and examined me. When these doctors left me, I went to bathroom. I felt very, very weak. When I returned from the bathroom, I told Dr. Anne that I was feeling very weak. And the rigor started.

Once, four days ago, I had a rigor, but it was not so severe as the one I suffered today. Dr. Anne, Freeman and Max were giving me a massage. Though it is hot in Poona, I covered my body with a blanket. Dr. Anne called the cancer doctor again. He changed all the bottles and tubes of the i.v. lines, and replaced them. Sheela was intending to go back to Ahmednagar. But when she saw that I had gotten a rigor, she stayed until I was free from it.

Shiva felt so nervous at my shivering, he went out. He was all the time on the verandah. When I was free from the rigor, I called him. He came, but still the fear was there in his mind. Good that he did not spoil his pants. When my rigor stopped, I closed my eyes. Freeman and Max were giving me a massage.

All of a sudden, Beloved Baba appeared in His full glory. Though He was silent and did not utter a word, I felt within that He was telling me something, as if He were asking me, "How are you?"

Though I did not reply in words, I felt as if I were replying and telling him that I am helpless.

"You are not yet helpless," He said. "When you become Helpless, through your helplessness, that is the state of helplessness. Only a few rare ones become truly Helpless, because their helplessness goes to the extent that their helplessness makes them truly Helpless. That helplessness will give you strength.

"You are helpless. But do you know how I am helping you? So that you may be able to bear the weight of your helplessness, I am your strength. And I am looking after you.

"Though you are not asking Me for help, in your subconscious mind you are asking for help. I know this. I want to wipe out even that thought which you don't know. I will make one completely helpless whom I love. Therefore, bear all this silently. You'll become very strong. You'll be able to face all these calamities willingly and joyfully because I love you. And you love Me.

"There is nothing for Me which I cannot do. But though I am helping you, you don't know this. I have created the whole of Creation. When I can create the whole of Creation, what is this to Me, to help you or cure you? It is nothing for Me. I can do it. But there is some purpose behind your ordeal. That's why you are suffering. But this suffering is the strength for you.

"Now pay attention. You know My brother Adi's son, Dara? He is blind. When he was a child, he could see, but his sight was very faint. Adi came to Me. and he said, 'If I take him to England, it is possible that he may be cured.'"

"'Go ahead,' I said, 'Try your best to see that Dara is cured.'

"Adi went to England along with his wife and Dara. He tried various treatments, but nothing happened. On the contrary, Dara lost his faint sight and became completely blind. Whether it was impossible for Me to cure him? But there is some purpose behind it. That's why I was not doing so. His blindness makes him helpless, and he depends on Me solely. And I'm helping him. He does everything being blind. What is there for him to see in the world? The real blindness is that which gives one the sight to see nothing but Me, and that is the real achievement.

"You know Vibuhti? He was a leper. He came to Me. I was contacting thousands of lepers. I did not cure anyone. But I had a whim to cure Vibuhti, and I cured him. It all depends upon My Whim. I can do anything because of My Whim, My Whim which does not depend upon anything. Just as I got the Whim, I created Creation. If you ask Me, why did I create Creation? I can only say because of My Whim I did this.

"Then there were Shandie (from Poona), and Sheikh Abdulla (from Kashmir). They were very poor. Though I contacted thousands of thousands of poor people, I did not make anyone rich. But I made Shandie and Abdulla very rich. Why? It is because of My Whim I did this. But know well, that I don't help anyone in external ways. Remember this, those whom I have contacted, you have no idea what I have given to them. They have received, the unimaginable gift from Me, which will gradually make them free from all bindings. They will get the true path, and one day they will realize Me.

"Because of my Whim, I cured Vibuhti from leprosy, and I made Shandie and Sheikh Abdulla rich. But remember this, they did not forget Me. On the contrary, they are solely devoted to Me. So My Whim can do anything. But know well, My Whim always takes one towards the true path. That is My work. How will you understand this?

"So I say, 'Don't worry about anything. Know well that My help is always with you. You cannot imagine what help I am rendering to you. Though you are suffering tremendously, it is good that you don't complain but follow My Wish. I am happy, because I find you a proper medium for My Work. I am using this medium without any hesitation. I am pleased with you. What more do you want?"

Baba disappeared. But this conversation gave me immense joy. I wanted to dictate it to Shiva, and he was present for that, so I did.

Bhau
Inlaks Hospital - Room F6
Koregaon Park
Poona, MS, India
Sunday, 3rd June, 2001

Ps. Coming soon, two new "Awakenings" by Bhau -- Harry Kenmore vs. Nam Deo, followed by: King Harischandra, Cremation Laborer