From Bhau:

Last night [Thursday, May 31st], I was very, very restless and without sleep -- I was feeling too much pain. Though I was thinking about Baba’s suffering, still I was not realizing what Beloved Baba must be passing through for each one.

I do not know whether I was awake or asleep, but I found that Beloved Baba was just in front of me, and He asked me, “Do you remember the 1958 Sahavas? In the 1958 Sahavas, after My second accident [on 2nd December 1956, near Udtara in Satara District], Pendu and Eruch were severely wounded. Nilu died, and Vishnu received slight injuries.”

Baba’s silent voice continued, “I was very badly injured. My hip joint was fractured. My tongue was cut. All over My body I had bruises. I sent Pendu and Vishnu to Meherabad, and also Dr. Don to look after Pendu. Then I came down to Meherazad.

“Eruch, Kaka, Aloba, Baidul and you were with Me. I wanted to have a Sahavas program for My loved ones.

“I would always make Pendu the organizer for the Sahavas arrangements. One day, I called Pendu, Padri, Vishnu and Donkin to Meherazad to discuss the Sahavas program. By this time, Pendu had started walking on crutches, but I still was unable to walk. I was in Mandali Hall, and Pendu, Padri, Vishnu and Donkin came from Meherabad. Pendu came with great difficulty, using crutches.

“He sat down on a chair, and I asked Him, ‘Did you sleep last night?’

“Pendu replied, ‘How can I sleep? I’ve got terrible pain. I cannot sleep, and I cannot eat. It is unbearable for me!’

“And in answer, what did I say? Do you remember?”

“Yes, Baba,” I answered.

And Baba continued in His silent voice. “I Myself said to Pendu, ‘Have you no shame? You think of your pain? Do you ever think of My pain? You are suffering for yourself. I’m suffering for the whole universe. What will happen if you die? Nothing. You are most selfish, and I don’t want to see your face! Get out from here!’

“Everyone who had come from Meherabad, including Pendu, who was crying, left.”

“Do you remember Jimmy Mistry, who had come to Meherazad from Bombay for the first time? He got very scared. I looked at him and said, ‘In order to become infinitely compassionate, I have to become infinitely cruel.”

“Do you remember this? Never forget, ” Baba admonished me last night. “Now tell Me, how many times have you suffered physically since the time you came to Me?”

I forgot my pain and restlessness as I started describing various incidents.

“The first thing I suffered was eye trouble,” I answered Baba. “When we were at Satara, there was a qawwali program. All of a sudden, You looked at me, and said, ‘You eyes are wonderful. You’ve got very good eyes.’”

At the time, I did not follow why You had remarked like this. Then, all of a sudden, after one month, pain started in both my eyes.

As I was laying in my hospital bed in Inlaks hospital last night, I said to Baba, “You took utmost care of me. I was sent to different eye specialists in Poona. But nothing happened. During our stay at Guruprasad, when people would come, You would tell them, ‘Bhau has so much pain in his eyes, but still he keeps nightwatch. He remains with Me all night, and he does not complain.’

One day, You were telling visitors about the pain in my eyes. At that time, Dadi Kerawalla had come, and he said to You, “If essence of mustard oil is applied to Bhau’s eyes, the pain will go away.”

So You said, “Bring the mustard oil essence.”

“It is not available here,” Dadi Kerawalla replied. “It is available only in Bangalore.”

So You had instructed him, “All right, write to the pharmacy and get the parcel.”

The parcel arrived in Poona. Dadi Kerwalla went and collected it and brought it to Guruprasad, where he gave it to You.

“Do you remember what I said to you? ‘From tomorrow onwards, you apply the essence of mustard oil,” Baba reminded me as I lay in my bed. “I told you that on the first day, I would apply it. After that, every day, you should apply it.

“The next day, there was a darshan program at Guruprasad. Thousands of people had come. I called you to Mandali Hall, and you came. The doors were closed. Many people were outside on the verandah. I applied the mustard oil essence to your eyes. It felt just like fire. You had nothing but tears. Someone opened the shutters of the door and looked inside. Then I left Mandali Hall and went to the big hall to give darshan. You went into an adjoining hall, thinking that you could go to the bathroom and wash your eyes.

“But the man who had witnessed you crying informed other people. They would come and open the shutters and see that you were weeping. They were thinking that you had met Me, and that you were weeping because of love.

“Those events were not without any reason. I want to tell you that I always take care of you. Now tell Me another incident of your suffering.”

I mentioned to Him the year 1959, when I had a fistula. “Baba, You had asked me to give you a massage the whole night, even though I would suffer more and more pain. Pus would also ooze from the fistula. One night, what did You do? First, You asked me to give you a massage, then You went to sleep on one side of the bed. So I sat on a stool and start giving You a massage. Gradually, gradually, you would slide into the middle of the bed. I would get more and more pain. I had to bend down, and because of the pressure, I would get still more pain. When You reached the far side of the bed, I would come around the bed to that side. But, then, gradually, gradually You would slip back to the original side. I would apply more and more pressure, which only made my pain increase. The agony was terrible. Then the thought came into my mind, ‘Let people say that God is infinitely compassionate. But nobody knows how infinitely cruel He is.’”

Immediately, You questioned me, “What are you thinking?”

“Nothing, Baba,” I had answered.

“Do you remember what was My reply?” Baba said. “I asked you, ‘What is the spiritual life? If I cut you into pieces, you should not complain.’ Here you are complaining. This is just the beginning. And you have started complaining in the beginning.

“The next day, I called Dr. Goher and instructed her to give you an injection. I asked Pendu to shave your backside, which he did. Then I, Goher, Eruch and you were in Mandali Hall. When Goher started giving you the local anesthetic, you cried.

“Goher said to you, ‘Why do you cry? This is nothing’

“I said, ‘He has got pain.’

“But I knew fully well that you were crying out of fear. Eruch caught hold of you, and the oil injection was given. This procedure was repeated four or five times, every week.

“Then I said, ‘Admit him [Bhau] into hospital.’ Surgery was performed on you, and I came to see you in the hospital.

“After that so many other things happened,” Baba said in His silent voice. “Before I dropped My Body, I asked you to write My biography, as well as the Nothing and The Everything. I had told you that I would explain everything.

“You went to Meherabad along with My Body. After seven days, when you returned to Meherazad, you came down with typhoid. When you recovered from that, again you got typhoid. All the time you were thinking, ‘How do I write the biography?’

“When you recovered from typhoid the second time, you went to the Trust compound to collect material. But do you remember what happened at that time? You fell unconscious. But you were not unconscious. I appeared to you within. Though you were taken to the hospital, the doctor didn’t find anything wrong. See how I have been helping you all along?”

And after that incident, I received the strength to write Beloved Baba’s biography.

Then Baba asked me as I lay in my bed at Inlaks Hospital, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“This happened during your physical presence, and you would take care,” I said to Baba. “But after that, after You dropped your body, I was suffering from cancer. Two surgeries were performed, one after another.”

“Was I not present at the time?” Baba asked. “Did I not take care?”

“Yes, Baba,” I said to Him. “You were present. When the anesthesia did not work, and they were cutting my tummy, I was experiencing terrible pain. At that time You appeared,. and I forgot about the pain.”

“Know well,” Baba said, “I’m always with you. This time, as you go to the hospital, I have to go with you. I am talking with you every day and keeping you in a cheerful mood. Remember this. I cannot ignore anyone. I’m always with everyone. But I’m mostly present with those who accept Me and follow Me. Have you any idea how I take care of thousands and millions every day? This is My compassion. Therefore, have courage and be strong in My love. I love you very much. That’s why I’m guiding you at every step when you are suffering and keep you in cheerful mood.”

I don’t know whether I was awake or asleep in this hospital room, but what happened between Baba and me is quite clear. Because of my restlessness and pain, I think I was awake. I could not sleep. I definitely felt that I was awake, because as I was experiencing this picture before me, I could hear Freeman snoring. Two sleeping injections had been given to me, but with no effect. I also received two injections of painkiller, but the pain did not subside. Still, I was very happy because Beloved Baba came, and the conversation with Him had started.

Ps. Coming soon, two new “Awakenings” by Bhau --- “I Am The Strength That Bears The Weight of Your Helplessness,” followed by: Harry Kenmore vs. Nam Deo.